oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
