I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
