I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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