Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
