I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
