Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
