Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
