This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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