just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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