Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
