ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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