What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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