that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize