Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
