Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
