Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
