that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
