Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm passing your future prison.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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