Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
