so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
