the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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