Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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