it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
