Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
