So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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