just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
