six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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