Can Purell be used as lube?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
