just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
