the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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