what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
