its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
