No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
