remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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