I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
