It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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