chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
