just come out here and I will go home with you...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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