sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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