I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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