She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
