Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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