We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
