now i know why i became what i already was.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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