so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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