Kiss
Puke
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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