i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
