How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
