she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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