His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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