You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize