i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
