she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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