The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
