After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize