Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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