I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
