he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm both gender and math confused
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
