i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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