Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So much rum. So many feels.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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