his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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