my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
