I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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