guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
