Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
