I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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