Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
