You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love accidental penises.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
