Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
