I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Still dying that you shit outside
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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