I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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