Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
